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Fanfic by Akamaru01

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September 26, 2011
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Octavia walked into the small apartment. She wasn't often one for intruding into other ponies' homes, but in her defence, Vinyl had left the door wide open. She entered the home, evading the various forms of detritus that scattered the apartment. She tip-hoofed into the bedroom, finding her quarry fast asleep, at a considerably late hour as well.

Octavia loomed over the unconscious mare, once more prodding her hoof sharply into her withers. Ponies are not often known for their burrowing capabilities, but Vinyl managed to counteract both nature and Charles Darwhinny, and evolved the ability to burrow ever deeper into her covers to avoid Octavia.

"Honestly Vinyl, will you just get up? It's ten in the morning!"
Vinyl's eyes peeped out from her warren in the bedsheets. "But it's Sunday! Nopony gets up early on Sunday, and I'm still hung over from those Gargle-Blasters."
"We had those three days ago, you really are a lightweight. Now up! I have an audition to go to today, and I'd like you to accompany me."

Vinyl exited her carefully constructed burrow of linen, dropping onto the floor unceremoniously, before propping herself up and slamming her shades over her eyes. If only to cover the tired bags, at least.

"Why'd you need me? You say I have a really bad taste in music...and I'd make you look bad."
"Well, maybe I'm taking you with me to make myself look better by comparison?"
"It's too early for long words, so I'll just pretend you said something nice about me."
"That's probably the best course of action, Vinyl. Now get ready, we're going to meet some high society. I need you to at least attempt to look presentable."

Vinyl wandered off into the bathroom, the pattering of the shower emanating from within after a moment. Curiously, she'd left the door open. Perhaps Octavia should go close it, just to be safe? It was best to preserve her privacy, after all. She trotted carefully, up to the door, which lay slightly ajar. Steam wafted through the gap, as Octavia reached out a hoof to-.

The door suddenly swung even wider open, and Octavia fell to the floor in its absence of support. She spotted a contemptible Vinyl staring down at her with the lightest grin she imagined a pony face could muster.

"Now, now, Octavia. Flattered as I am, I don't want you spying on me in the shower, thanks."
Octavia sputtered, coughing out dust she imagined had lain on the uncleaned carpet for weeks. In doing so, she rapidly eradicated a large colony of almost sentient dust mites, that were in the process of penning up their request to join the United Equestrian Nations. Sadly, Ponykind lost this chance for a new ally to inevitably fights wars with and exploit for labour, so perhaps it was for the better that this fledgling civilisation met its end in Octavia's trachea, rather than having to endure that whole fiasco.

Octavia herself recovered from her unwitting genocidal wheezing, and rose to her hooves to avoid the smog of dust that had plumed from the carpet upon her impact. "Spying?! I was just going to close the door, to save your privacy."
"Aren't you a saint, Octy. Now please, I know we're always naked anyway, but it's still kinda weird. Go fix yourself something to eat, you little peeping tom you."

Octavia's indignant defence was cut short by the door closing in front of her, and she felt her cheeks heat up in disapproval at her well-intended actions. Evidently, the best course of action would be to stuff her cheeks full of something tasty to cool them down, as Vinyl had suggested. She opened the fridge, finding the colonial province of the dust mite kingdom ruling over a slab of potentially century-old cheese. Any vegetables inside had long-since devolved back into primordial ooze, and Octavia stopped to consider whether Vinyl actually ate any of this, or simply had the digestive system of a cow.

The fridge revealing itself to be a pony-sized petri dish, she close it and roamed onwards. She clicked the cupboards open to search for anything tinned, and therefore potentially edible. Instead she found one cupboard completely filled with cereal. Cheerileeos, Zeco Pops, and ScootaBix all in attendance; cereals Octavia hadn't eaten since she was a filly, and had no intentions of a culinary trot down memory lane at this point.

Another cupboard yielded only a shelf full of brightly coloured boxes, the vibrant yellow of Dandelion Pop-Tarts beckoned her. Vinyl had recommended these to her at one point, yes, but her taste was hardly cutting edge. Still, it appeared to be all she kept that wasn't cereal and milk, and on a few, rare occasions, her tastes had turned out to be surprisingly finessed.

Octavia flipped the box over, eyes coursing over the instructions before she realised she was looking at the most foal-proof piece of food she'd ever eat. A pair of tarts were placed into the toaster, and she waited the intended time for the magical energies to beam through the little treats. After a fairly boring moment, the tarts were ejected forcefully from the toaster; soaring a hoof into the air before Octavia snatched them onto her plate. The packet recommended leaving them to stand for a little moment, so she gave it a hoofful of seconds before the sickly-sweet aromas got the better of her. She clamped her teeth around one such delectable slice, the outer coating feeling reassuringly cool. It was foals' food after all, they would have to keep it cool for them.

Her teeth scissored through the tart, dandelion jam spewing onto her taste buds. One moment of hyper-sweet bliss, then a fiery stab of pain through her tongue. They were hot...very hot.

Vinyl heard the scream from the shower, even through her usual habit of humming Deadhor5 as loud as she could so ponies listening would know she was in the shower, and therefore would like to not be spied on. She leapt out of the cleansing downpour, mane and tail sodden as she crashed through the door and into her living room. She spotted Octavia sitting on the couch, gingerly touching a hoof to her tongue.

"Bese bop tards are painfuw!" Octavia's tongue was red and inflamed, much like Vinyl's cheeks as they failed to repress her laughter. She plummeted to the floor, a small shockwave of dust intermingling with her wet coat and usurping the entire purpose of showering in the first place. She wiped a tear, or a drop of water, from her eye, still finding humour as Octavia glared at her, tongue hanging out of her mouth like a happy puppy.

"Oh, it's great to have you around, Octy. Let's get you some ice, and I'll sure to blow on your pop-tarts for you too, to stop any more nasty burns."
"Brow it oup your rumb, Viryl!"
Octavia tries to get Vinyl off her rump to accompany her to an audition.

Chapter Fourteen:
[link]
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:iconthorlol:
Thorlol Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012
The Douglas Adams style=wins.
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2012
I love that guy! (Bromantically, belatedly.)
Reply
:iconmitsukiadored:
MitsukiAdored Featured By Owner May 16, 2012
Th peeping tom scene X'D ohhh the peeing tom scene. Very cute Octy scene X'D
Reply
:iconpoojoobie:
poojoobie Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I really like your Douglas Adamsy writing style.
Reply
:iconel-jorro:
El-Jorro Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2012
Deadhor5 parody of Deadmau5...Yes..yes
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2012
It doesn't work as well typed, sadly. xD
Reply
:icondeathnotefan88:
deathnotefan88 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
that brings back... painful memories, with every aspect of this chapter...
Reply
:iconwolfking164:
Wolfking164 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012
Same here.

Actually, I got a scar on my tongue from a hot pop tart. Like, seriously. Its' there
Reply
:icondeathnotefan88:
deathnotefan88 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
hot poptart exploding in my face as I try to bite it... got hot filling up my nose, had singe marks on my teeth, and 1st degree burns all over my face... had to go to the hospital...

and the time my ex left the door to the bathroom open when going into the shower and I went to close it... and she was waiting on the other side to bust me trying to peak... I was just closing the door (cause my bros would be getting up soon...)... I was labelled a peeping tom for the rest of the short lived relationship...
Reply
:iconpumpalolo:
Pumpalolo Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2011
Wait are they supposed to be together already?
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2011
Not yet.
Reply
:iconkawaiifeather:
KawaiiFeather Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2011
I personally don't heat up my pop-tarts -because- they get so hot. Octavia learned to not heat hers up either.
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2011
The hard way. D:
Reply
:iconarcticfox501:
ArcticFox501 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
lol i was awww yeeeeaaaa but hten i was lol this is very awsome
Reply
:iconbromonn:
Bromonn Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2011
:icondiscorddanceplz:
HAHA! The old smelting hot
poptart, gets em every time!!!!!
Reply
:iconunitoone:
unitoone Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
hahaha xD Ouch! =(


Nice dust mite description, lol.

One of my fav chapters ^^
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2011
Only because of Vinyl in the shower. :P
Reply
:iconunitoone:
unitoone Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
whatever xD
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2011
You know it.

I'll write a Derpy shower scene in for you later. :P
Reply
:iconunitoone:
unitoone Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
wat.
Reply
:iconaskesalsa:
askesalsa Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2011
Bwahahahaha. Octy the peepster :P
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2011
She was going to close the door, an honest and polite gesture!
Reply
:iconaskesalsa:
askesalsa Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2011
Subconsciously as well? :P
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2011
Why, yes, of course!
Reply
:iconaskesalsa:
askesalsa Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2011
XD Not that they wear clothes anyway lol
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2011
But she's in the shower, 's sexy 'n' stuff...plot...
Reply
:iconchibiregalli:
ChibiRegalli Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2011
Sentient dust mite civilization...

Congratulations! You win ponyfic. Have a hug and all the internets.
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2011
Thank you! :D
Reply
:iconkishori-kun:
Kishori-kun Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2011
Hehehehe, I don't even know where to start. I shouldn't be laughing this hard, I'm pretty sure I'm disturbing my neighbors.
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2011
Hey, laughter's always a good thing...mic it up to an amp!
Reply
:iconkishori-kun:
Kishori-kun Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2011
Oh crap, I think they filed a noise complaint. Why must you such an amazing writer?
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2011
I'm not, I'm really not all that amazing. XD

I just happened to hit the right note with this fic.
Reply
:iconkishori-kun:
Kishori-kun Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2011
Well don't let me interrupt you.
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2011
Don't worry, I'm on a break atm. Writing my way through Equestria War Z's next chapter.
Reply
:iconkishori-kun:
Kishori-kun Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2011
Great, something else I have to read cause it's by one of my favorite authors.
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2011
:iconfluttershyyayplz:

You can skip I Won't See You Tonight and Gods And Demons, though.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconrysonn:
Rysonn Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2011  Student Writer
"Brow it oup your rumb, Viryl!"

...wait a minute... did she basically just tell Vinyl to blow it out her ass?!?!? thats awesome!!!

absolutely love this story!
Reply
:iconfiurahi:
Fiurahi Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2011
Cheerileeos makes me giggle every time. :D
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2011
All my effort and satire, and it's cheerileeos that gets ya? XD

Ah well, a laugh's a laugh.
Reply
:icondoodawday:
DooDawDay Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I hate it when that happens XD
Also, "Brow it oup your rumb, Viryl!" might be one of the best lines ever mumbled.
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011
At least her tongue got better in the end...
Reply
:icondoodawday:
DooDawDay Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
There is no pain quite so terrible as a Pop-tart burn. The worst part is that you know it's coming and you don't care as long as you get your beloved morning pastry into your mouth. XD

...or maybe that's just me.
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011
We live conveniently close to the local hospital in my house...just in case.

Haven't had pop-tarts in years though.
Reply
:icondoodawday:
DooDawDay Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I have three nurses in my family. XD

Come to think of it, I haven't had a Pop-tart in months! This is unheard of, I am going to purchase some next paycheck.
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011
I need to find a place that sells 'em over here... :S
Reply
:icondoodawday:
DooDawDay Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I could ship them to you?
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011
Heheheheh...

"Ship."

Bronydom has completely rearranged my vocabulary.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconsandwich-anomaly:
Sandwich-Anomaly Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
And so this is the last we shall read about the dust mite civilization... Poor little bastards.

That part felt a little bit hitchhiker-ee for a moment, and I liked that!
Reply
:iconcoffeegrunt:
CoffeeGrunt Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2011
I've noticed I'm slowly beginning to imitate Douglas Adams to a point. Better read me some Harry Potter before I insult his memory.
Reply
:iconevemonsta:
EveMonsta Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
By the way, Deadhor5 was a stroke of genius :')
Reply
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